


Winter Sky

by suzuyaaaaa



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boys Kissing, Christmas, Cuddles, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Minor Angst, Mutual Pining, Nostalgia, Past Rape/Non-con, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Ugly Sweaters, Winter, blushing ken asldkfjasldkfj, christmas gifts, gift-giving, tg secret santa 2k17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 05:11:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13139763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzuyaaaaa/pseuds/suzuyaaaaa
Summary: Kaneki looks between the sky and Hide’s face, counting the boy’s faint freckles and connecting them like constellations.(tg secret santa 2017 gift for @opalfantasy on tumblr!)





	Winter Sky

**Author's Note:**

> hey my dudes!! so, a quick explanation for my hiatus: i disappeared off the face of the earth bc i'm in junior yr now aka the hardest yr of my academic career. i also stopped writing this summer bc i went thru a rly bad breakup sorta thing, so it was hard to be motivated to do anything :( but, i'm back and better than ever!!
> 
> this is a secret santa gift for @opalfantasy on tumblr! i had so much fun writing this, so to my giftee, i hope u enjoy this as much as i enjoyed creating it, and i hope all of u that read this enjoy it as well! :D merry christmas!
> 
> here r some clarifications before u jump on in:  
> -takes place around ch 122!  
> -the ccg hasnt wreaked havoc upon goat squads yet  
> -everyone’s still @ :re  
> -hide came back when kaneki came back to :re and started adjusting to being the oek (aka before this ch in this fic lmao)

_“Are you a virgin?”_

_“When the time comes, I’ll let you do it with me.”_

Kaneki rubs his eyes when Touka materializes in his head again, her deep voice echoing in his ears. Technically, no, he isn't a virgin, but having sex with Touka? He wouldn't be able to do it, to look at her the same way, because it would change their entire friendship into something he doesn’t think he wants. It would be better to just get it over with, wouldn’t it? If he did that, though, he’d just be a terrible person for leading her on. Every possible response to her question seemed like it would lead to a bad outcome, so he never actually accepted nor rejected her offer. Did she still take it as a yes?

As Kaneki turns out of a narrow alleyway and onto the sidewalk, he tightens and loosens his grip on his bright present, trying to ease his anxiety over something that happened literally _days ago_. His head is hurting now like it always does when he stresses too much, and it’s over something so trivial, too. It’s just sex. People have it all the time.

“Just sex, my ass,” Kaneki mutters to himself under his breath, looking down at his boots hitting the concrete and walking to his destination without glancing up; he already knew the route by heart. Jason ruined his first time even though he can barely recall what happened, and he wanted to do it properly for his own sake. Doing it properly meant that it had to be done right, done without regrets and with unconditional love with the person he’s always, _always_ loved.

Kaneki enters the apartment complex right on the outskirts of the downtown district, pulling his gray beanie lower on his head as he rushes through the lobby and into the elevators. It’s Christmas Eve; there's no need to worry about Touka right now. When he reaches the sixth floor, Kaneki shoves the beanie into his back pocket, smoothing down stray white hairs while creeping towards the end of the hallway. _I’m acting like I’m about to confess_ , Kaneki laments to himself as he straightens out his turtleneck. How ironic, considering he never actually confessed to anyone in high school.

When he reaches Apartment 610, Kaneki tries to calm down his pulse, putting on the most genuine smile he can muster and rapping his knuckles against the door after a moment’s hesitation. When the person he’s always, always loved opens the door not a second later, smiling brilliantly and glowing like a star, Kaneki doesn’t need to force himself to smile anymore, his heart fluttering nervously under his ribs.

Hide's grin grows as he pulls Kaneki in immediately, hugging him enthusiastically with his lanky arms. “Ah, you’re early!” Hide cries out, squeezing Kaneki a little tighter when the ghoul winces at how the other's voice sounds, tone monotone and robotic. “I’m glad you came, though. Because you’re busy and stuff.”

Kaneki huffs out a little laugh and pulls away to look at Hide, pointedly chasing away his guilt at the sight of the reddish-pink scar by Hide's mouth, trailing off his face and stopping below the collar of his tee-shirt. Hide gently pushes Kaneki’s face up so their eyes are meeting, and the scar remains forgotten because if Kaneki focuses on it any longer, Hide will _definitely_ scold him. Kaneki sets his gift onto the floor and embraces Hide again, selfishly taking in his scent, a mix of laundry detergent and pine despite his living in a downtown Tokyo apartment. “Of course I would come,” he mutters into Hide's shoulder. “I’m never too busy for you.”

“Aw, I never thought I would hear you being so mushy,” Hide chuckles as he tousles Kaneki’s hair and thoroughly ruins the work he put into actually making it look presentable. Kaneki’s cheeks flush red, and he doesn't need to look up to know Hide's wearing a classic shit-eating smile. They finally separate, and Hide excitedly picks up Kaneki’s abandoned gift, his warm eyes lighting up with curiosity while he shakes the box gently to try and figure out what’s inside. He flops on the couch and holds the gift close to his chest like it’s a prized treasure, a valuable secret never to be shared.

Kaneki mouth turns upwards into a small smile before he shrugs off his jacket, his face scrunching up as he surveys Hide's apartment. It’s like Christmas swallowed the place and threw it back up because _everything is red and green_. Toeing off his shoes, Kaneki squeezes the fluffy green carpet with his toes and walks up to the towering tree standing a few feet from Hide's bedroom door.

All the ornaments are big, gaudy, and _very_ neon. Strings of evergreen and jingle bells line the ceiling with little colorful lights peeking through the plastic leaves, and there's at least three wreaths on each wall, not counting each one on all of the cabinet doors in the kitchenette. There’s spotty Christmas music flowing from Hide’s cheap gramophone, the singer’s voice tinny when it probably should be deeper, broader like an ocean. “I have _great_ taste, Kaneki,” he hears Hide deadpan from behind him, “and I don’t think you have the right to criticize, Mr. Black-and-White. Literally.”

Kaneki turns and gawks, frowning in embarrassment when he realizes that he’s dressed in a monochrome ensemble from head to toe. “I know when to stop, though, you know! There's a line when you need to... stop? And you crossed it. The line,” he retorts as quickly as he can, his comeback coming out hesitantly. Given that Hide looks appalled, Kaneki grins and snickers at his little victory and, in a burst of impulsiveness, collapses over the side of the couch and on top of Hide's body.

Hide lets out a squawk and kicks his legs up, but Kaneki shifts on top of the present cradled in Hide's arms to avoid being kneed in the face. “What have you done with the One-Eyed King?” Hide asks, and Kaneki laughs at how surprised he sounds. His cheeks hurt from how big his smile is; he should be impulsive more often. When Kaneki opens his eyes after calming down, moving his head so that Hide's stomach squashes his cheek, the blond blinks out of shock, his face tinted pink. Kaneki’s heart stutters a little at the growing intensity of the other's gaze, and his smiles shrinks slightly. Being forward was never his thing, really. Maybe it was too sudden—

Kaneki yelps when he’s shoved off by a hand and his beautifully wrapped gift, and Hide snorts when Kaneki slaps his arm in jest, frowning as he sits up and massages the side that hit the floor. “Why are you upset when I’m the one that’s delicate?” Hide asks, his eyebrows raised with skepticism. Kaneki grabs a pillow and smacks Hide's legs instead of replying, trying to use his pale hair to conceal the growing flush on his cheeks.

Instead of gauging him further though, Kaneki blinks when Hide rubs his shoulder slowly, a gesture of comfort. “Just open your gift already,” he mutters quietly, raising his head so his gray eyes meet Hide’s copper gaze. The human’s gaze makes Kaneki squirm on the holiday carpet, and he wishes he could reach out and touch Hide the way he wants to, the way past the thin line they dance between childhood friends, _best friends_ , and something else, something better. He looks too lively and bright to be real.

Hide doesn’t open his gift. Instead, he’s jumps off the couch and picks up the one gift under the tree not in a delivery box. The bag is white with stripes of sparkles running diagonally down its sides, and a garish red bow sits around the handles, holding the present shut. “Why don’t _you_ open yours first,” Hide says gently, voice so sincere it makes Kaneki’s heart hurt and hands so cautious while handing the gift over it makes Kaneki nervous, “and I’ll get hot cocoa and coffee?”

“You have to open first. I always did that when we were kids,” Kaneki immediately protests without a second thought.

Hide lets out a surprised snort and shrugs before hopping up onto his feet and padding into the kitchen. “If you say so, then sure. I’m sorry in advance because you know I can’t... make coffee.” Kaneki can’t help but beam at Hide and watch the other quickly reciprocate, warmth filling up his stomach as he listens to the clink of mugs and the pouring of hot drinks.

Kaneki turns his gaze down at the bag in his lap, tempted to pry it open to see what’s inside. It wouldn’t do him any good because the gift overflows with tissue paper, but it’s nice to wonder. Hide always bought the most thoughtful gifts, simple but useful. This was their first Christmas together since before everything with Rize happened — holy shit, since _before Rize_? Kaneki’s eyes widen in shock, and he holds the gift closer to his chest. It’s been five entire years since they’ve last spent this night together, an annual tradition.

“You’re thinking too hard, and it’s making my head hurt! Stop that!” Kaneki looks up to see Hide thrusting a mug filled almost to the brim with steaming black coffee, and Kaneki hisses when the hot liquid drips onto his white pants. Hide winces at the little brown drops soaking into the denim and giggles when Kaneki glares at him through his bangs, and the blond brushes his hair away from his face. “Sorry, heh. All the more reason for you to open first—”

“No, all the more reason for you to open first like I asked,” Kaneki cuts in, shoving his gift back into Hide’s arms. “I _insist_.” Hide raises an eyebrow in question, and Kaneki nearly breaks their eye contact before telling himself no, there’s no reason to look away when it’s just them. Tonight is special.

“Suit yourself!” Hide exclaims a beat later, his voice cracking at the rises of his tone, and he collapses onto the couch that creaks in agony under his weight. Kaneki sighs and smiles a little in satisfaction before leaning back to turn up the gramophone and fill the apartment with tender, jingling music. Instead of ripping into the gift, Hide gently unwraps it, peeling off the golden wrapping paper with such intense concentration it’s almost funny. He’s sticking his tongue out the side of his mouth and letting out huffs occasionally as he sets the silver bow aside, removes tape and unfolds the paper. Kaneki almost tells him the wrapping doesn’t matter and to get to his gift already, but he wants to extend the time they have right now, so he keeps his mouth shut and bites his tongue to keep from laughing when Hide _grunts_ while undoing the paper at the bottom of the box.

When Hide finally reveals the box, he suddenly tears the cardboard open, a hungry curiosity burning in his gaze, and he gasps when he’s thrown away the tissue paper. Kaneki watches Hide’s shock settle in, hands slow as he takes out the vinyl albums one by one, all by American and English artists he’s listened to since they were in high school. Hide caresses them like they’re his own children before setting them aside, pulling out a couple patterned face masks and a bright orange scarf.

When Hide’s eyes fly up to meet Kaneki’s, the ghoul sits up straighter and clasps his hands tighter in his lap. “You always wanted to look cool, and I know old bandanas probably aren’t most stylish thing to wear in public,” he begins to explain, watching Hide carefully as he slowly gathers all his gifts into a little pile, face slack with something Kaneki can’t name. When the human doesn’t say anything, Kaneki gulps down bile in his throat and starts wringing his hands together. “I-If you don’t like them, I have a receipt—”

Hide leaps off the sofa and tackles Kaneki, maneuvering them so they don’t collide with the coffee table and instead hit the floor. Kaneki lets out a cross between and grunt and a squeak as Hide wraps his arms around his torso, squeezing tightly while nuzzling his head into Kaneki’s neck. After a few moments, Kaneki hesitantly hugs Hide back, and the human curls around him even more. Kaneki’s body flames up whenever Hide shifts on him, and although his grip is loose, he doesn’t want to let go any time soon. Hide and him never really hug or touch; they’ve never had a very physical relationship aside from the occasional quick hug or arm over shoulders. It feels so good, having Hide so close to him.

“You didn’t have to get me so much!” Hide squeaks into Kaneki’s shoulder, beaming and sighing against the ghoul’s skin. Kaneki laughs loudly and suddenly, shocking the both of them before he cuts himself off. Hide sits up and rubs the heel of his hand over one of his eyes, and Kaneki blinks at him and the watery glaze over the other’s eyes. Hide notices him staring and huffs, leaning his back against the couch. “You’re too good to me, Eyepatch.”

Kaneki opens his mouth to try and reply, to convey that Hide’s the one that’s been too good for him since they met, but he can’t find the words to express it properly. Hide shrugs as if to physically brush off what he just said, and just like that, the moment is already fading away. Kaneki rolls his eyes affectionately and flicks Hide’s forehead. “You’re welcome, Scarecrow,” he says before grabbing his own forgotten gift, “You know you’re the better half.”

Hide’s face twists in shock, but Kaneki shoves a wad of tissue paper into the blond’s open mouth before he can protest. Hide squawks and reaches out to hit Kaneki’s stomach, but the ghoul pushes him away with one hand while opening his gift with the other, gently prying the bag open. Hide stops batting at him when Kaneki pulls out one of the gifts, a few of books bound with fraying twine.

The first book is a translated collection of short stories from a variety of European authors. The next two are _The Setting Sun_ by Dazai Osamu and _I Am a Cat_ by Soseki Natsume, which Kaneki remembers telling Hide he still hasn’t read either of them even though they were revered by other students in his major at Kamii. The last book at the bottom of the pile makes Kaneki tense up, nostalgia flooding his body without any warning.

Kaneki strokes the familiar characters of Takatsuki Sen’s name, shivering as his eyes skim over _The Black Goat’s Egg_ over and over again. It’s a limited edition copy from when the book first came out during his second year of high school, front cover black as night besides the title and author written on it with a delicate font. If he stares at it long enough, he can make out the faint outline of a pair of angry eyes gazing back up at him. This edition had more notes from Takatsuki about her writing process and a deeper analysis into her own characters; as a young fanatic of the story, he devoured the information and treasured the book _so_ much, it was embarrassing. Along with all his other books, his aunt had thrown out his copy a week after he’d gotten it, the week after they took this edition out of stock.

“H-Hide, how did you find this?” Kaneki stutters out, blinking back tears while still tracing the kanji with his thumb. He glances up at Hide and tries not to cry out of gratitude, but Hide just grins and gives him a thumbs up, eyes twinkling. Kaneki lets out an ugly sniffle and wipes at his eyes. He’s always been such a crybaby. “Thank you so much, holy _shit_ ,” he breathes out quietly, flipping through the pages and recognizing a couple of the words immediately. Hide leans forward and bumps their heads together, humming in reply because he doesn’t need to say anything else, and Kaneki puts the book away before a tear leaks out and ruins the ink.

Hide reaches into the gift and pulls out one last present, laying it across Kaneki’s crossed legs before smoothing out the fabric. Kaneki’s eyes skim over the dark sweater, and his soft gaze hardens at the _horrendous_ red, pink, green, and white patterns all crossing over one another over the black fabric. The Christmas tree sprawling across the front makes his eyes hurt. “Very funny, Hide,” Kaneki says through his sniffles, rubbing his nose and looking away from the awful sweater in his lap. He hears Hide gasp, absolutely appalled, and suddenly, he’s shoving the sweater over Kaneki’s head. “H-Hide, take your clothes back!” Kaneki cries out, voice muffled by the itchy wool as he tries to take the sweater off even as Hide pulls it further down.

“I don’t wear black sweaters! I wanted you to match with me!” Hide shoots back with a sharp tongue, forcing the sweater over Kaneki’s head and smoothing out the ghoul’s white hair. Kaneki’s eyes trail down Hide’s sweater, and his face twists when he sees that Hide’s orange, blue, and yellow sweater matches the patterns on his perfectly. Hide notices Kaneki staring and smiles smugly before tossing the darker orange scarf Kaneki gave him over his neck. “I wanted to do something special with you tonight, too, and it’s going to be cold anyways.” Kaneki’s heart jumps into his throat, and he holds his new books closer to his chest as if that would protect him.

Hide tsks and pries Kaneki’s arms away, placing the books next to the plants on the coffee table before asking, “Are you alright with it, though? Going somewhere?” Kaneki’s eyes widen at Hide’s question, his voice sounding so concerned despite the robotic overlay of his words, but his chest floods with warmth at the way Hide looks, sunny and surrounded in orange fabric that compliments his tan skin.

After a minute, Kaneki groans and tips his head back as if he’s still thinking on what to say, but he already knows his answer. Slowly, he stands up without another word, heading towards the door to grab his shoes. “You know I’m fine with it. There’s no need to ask,” Kaneki says nonchalantly, glancing over his shoulder to see Hide’s shoulders suddenly relax. Did he really think Kaneki would deny him? “You owe me a warm bed tonight, though. It’s freezing,” Kaneki continues, taking his beanie out of his pocket and pulling it over his head.

Hide laughs loudly behind him and swings an arm over his shoulder, making Kaneki’s heart flutter. “You got it, your majesty.”

* * *

 

“It’s nice to have a white Christmas for once, isn’t it?” Hide asks, scooching closer to Kaneki until their sides are completely pressed together. Their legs dangle over the sides of the complex, and snow falls over Tokyo, blurring the sharpness of the city. Kaneki nods in agreement and presses more into Hide for warmth. Absentmindedly, he sticks out his tongue and catches a fat snowflake on it, the white fluff melting almost immediately. He catches Hide staring out of the corner of his eye, but when he turns over, Hide’s already trying to catch a snowflake of his own.

Kaneki giggles when a flake lands on Hide’s tongue and the human skyrockets up in excitement, face flushing and eyes lighting up, and Kaneki gazes back out at Tokyo. He hasn’t seen snow like this since the Anteiku Raid. Actually, he has, but he can’t remember those times very well; he knows this snowfall will be engraved into his memory.

Hide rests his head on Kaneki’s shoulder and hums, scratching the scarred side of his face lightly. Kaneki’s mood instantly turns around as quickly pulls Hide’s hand away and lays it on the concrete roof. The blond turns to him skeptically, and Kaneki’s ears turn red in embarrassment. That scar is _his_ fault and his only, and seeing Hide having to mess with it only makes a pit of guilt grow in his stomach because he did that. He hurt Hide that awfully, biting off the skin in a haze of starvation and a need to survive. How does Hide not despise him already?

“Are you okay?” Kaneki’s head flicks up at the sound of Hide’s voice, and when their eyes meet, Hide’s gaze burns with such a high intensity it nearly makes Kaneki flinch.

The ghoul laughs as casually as he can and nods, absentmindedly scratching his chin with his hand. “I’m fine, just thinking about a bunch of work stuff. For Goat and whatever.” Hide purses his lips and narrows his eyes at Kaneki, and he can literally feel Hide trying to piece together evidence to see what’s really bothering Kaneki. It’s an intimidating sensation.

Hide eventually sighs and nudges Kaneki with his elbow, lazily leaning on him again and hiding the scar by smushing his cheek into the ghoul’s shoulder. Kaneki gulps at Hide's knowing gaze, but neither of them acknowledge it. “Leave that work stuff at work. You’re on a break,” he says with a pout. Kaneki chuckles and nods in agreement, deciding not to reply and instead stare out at the Tokyo snowfall again, trying to stop his mind from going everywhere at once like it just did.

He wants to tell Hide how much today actually means to him; he hasn’t felt this comfortable in a long time even among the ghouls he’s known for so long. Nobody could replace Hide, a lifelong companion, a lifelong support to his constant crumbling self. Kaneki missed him so much, more than he knew he could miss someone. Having Hide here by his side, talking like they always have, fills the hole Hide left behind perfectly. Both of them have changed, but Kaneki likes to think they still fit together as well as they always have.

Hide shifts against Kaneki’s side and turns towards him, and Kaneki readily turns back at the same time, wanting to tell Hide everything he’s been dying to say for years. Suddenly, though, a pair of lips meet his for the shortest second, warm and chapped, and Kaneki immediately feels like he’s _burning_.

Hide squeaks and leaps back, eyes wide and face pale with fear. Kaneki’s lips part in complete shock, and he almost reaches up to touch his lips because _what the fuck just happened_? Hide’s lips turn up into a nervous smile, and he scratches his cheek with a finger while looking anywhere but Kaneki, setting his gaze on the roof. “T-That was supposed to be for your, uh, your cheek. S-Sorry, I was feeling kind of... impulsive?” Kaneki blinks in further surprise at the sound of Hide stuttering and blushing like a high schooler, acting just like Kaneki in every way. He can’t help but start laughing a little.

Hide looks up at Kaneki who’s giggling under his breath. His body feels so light like he could fly, and his grin feels too big for his face, and it’s _such_ a wonderful feeling. “It’s okay,” Kaneki says, trying to contain the beam blossoming across his face. Hide’s shoulders fall down in relief, and Kaneki tucks his knees in against his chest, blushing wildly. They’ve reverted back to teenagers.

Hide hesitantly moves back to his previous position, sitting up straight next to Kaneki with an uncharacteristic stiffness. Kaneki buries his face between his knees and stares at the city through his legs, his lips still tingling. He perks up when he hears Hide move besides him, and soon, their sides are pressed together again, and Hide is leaning against him just like before. “That was a present for both of us,” Hide says softly, as if he didn’t even mean to say it at all, and Kaneki snorts and jabs his side with his elbow. Hide snickers and leans further into Kaneki who releases his legs and dangles them off the building.

Neither of them say anything after that, sitting in silence and snow and ugly sweaters which actually turn out to be incredibly warm against the harsh cold. Eventually, Kaneki hears Hide’s pulse slow down to a lethargic, steady beat, and he snickers when he turns to see Hide fast asleep against Kaneki’s shoulder. He leans down and hesitantly presses a kiss to Hide’s head, and the human nuzzles further into him.

The snow falls heavier on Tokyo now, apartment buildings slowly turning white with winter’s touch. Kaneki buries his face in Hide’s hair and gazes up at the sky, not wanting to wake the blond up to go back inside just yet. If Hide could make him feel this elated with a too-quick kiss, then Kaneki probably doesn’t need to go any further than this, doesn’t need to go further than what Hide’s comfortable with or to have sex. There’s no need for something like that when he’s content like this with the person he’s always, always loved next to him under the winter sky.

Hide ignores Kaneki when he’s shaken awake and instead pulls him down to the rooftop, falling asleep again with their faces pointed up towards the snow and the stars, and Kaneki looks between the sky and Hide’s face, counting the boy’s faint freckles and connecting them like constellations.

**Author's Note:**

> i LOVE MY OG SHIP >:0000000 what good boys!! i hope u enjoyed this fluffy lil thing and it made u rly happy :) i'll try to get back on my feet soon to actually finish my yoi thing! i cant make any promises, but i miss writing fic as a creative outlet, so ill try to be more active on here! as per usual, i apologize for any typos :^
> 
> i hope everyone has the happiest holidays all around no matter what u celebrate, and thank u so so much for taking the time to stop by and read my work!
> 
> [hmu on my main tumblr](http://lilacgrowth.tumblr.com/) [or my tg one!](http://suzuyaaaaa.tumblr.com/)


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